The Journey Begins!

Most of you know me. I'm The fat chick sitting there not talking to anyone and wondering why people aren't talking to me. Hmmm... let's see... could it be because I'm so unhappy with my weight that my self esteem and self image have turned to crap and I'm not any fun to be around? Could it be the fact that I have let my weight control my life and I'm worried about what people say when they see me? Could it be that I'm wallowing in self-pity because I haven't done anything about it? I'm gonna have to go with all of the above. And, because of all of the above and the fact that I'm sooo unhappy with myself and my life, I've decided to do something about it. Finally. So here here we go...

Hi. My name is Stephanie, I'm 31 years old, and I'm a crazy fat chick that lives in Clinton, UT. I have 3 wonderful boys, a semi-supportive husband that has no clue what to do these days because of my mood swings. I have Type II Diabetes and an addiction to Snickers bars - the only sweet thing I cannot say no to. I'm anti-social, I smoke, I live on the computer longing for adult interaction, and I'm unemployed and can't find a job to save my life. I think that about sums me up.

I have been overweight most of my life. In 4th grade I was not quite 5' tall and weighed 146 lbs. Kids laughed at me. My own sister made comments, which is what siblings do when fighting and they are smaller than you, right? When I was younger my mother had my dresses specially made for events because everything that fit was too long and looked horrible or was "too old" for me. Pretty Plus from Sears was my wardrobe in grade school, which consisted of a lot of pink and purple, and lots of flowers and some very unflattering stripes. By high school, I weighed over 200 lbs at 5'4" tall. A two-week stay in the hospital due to emotional issues took me from a size 22 to a size 18, which is the smallest I had been since I was in 5th grade. The constant monitoring of diet and daily excercise helped me to lose 20 lbs in those two weeks, and I went wild after that, loving the new way I looked and being able to maintain what I had lost for a couple of years.

My 4th grade school picture

I know, right now you're saying "looks aren't everything, it's your personality and what's inside that counts". Yeah, that's true for those who don't let their weight affect what's inside. Unfortunately, I am not one of those people. The bigger I get, the more withdrawn I get, and the unhappier I am. And for those of you who think the old saying, "If mama ain't happy, ain't nobody happy" is just a myth, think again. Mama ain't happy, and the household hasn't been really happy for at least a year now if not longer.

So why am I writing starting this blog you ask? Well, really it's a way to keep track of my achievements and log my daily activities. However, it can function as a way for me to keep track of the goals and keep in touch with people who have the same issues. I'm not perfect - I'm far from it. However, if someone has similar issues or is having a bad day, I want them to have a place to come and be able to say, "Hey - at least I'm not as messed up as she is. It could always be worse!"

So, here we go with the goals...

1) To lose 58 lbs.

2) To lose another 40 lbs after the first 58.

3) To lose another 40 lbs after the first 98.

4) To keep it off.

5) To not have to go to specialty stores to buy clothes.

6) To be happy no matter what.

7) To find a job I want and not just have to settle for something I hate.

8) To not have to take any of the medications I am taking.

9) To no longer be anti-social.

10) To live life to the fullest every day.

11) To quit smoking... again.

Okay... quit laughing. At least 1/2 of them have to be attainable, right? Well, the goal is to make them all attainable. I have a lot of good friends which have become more of acquaintances now that I'm not working simply because of my self-esteem and anti-social issues. That's going to change. I'm going to start cooking again, keeping house, dieting, and exercising. And maybe get all the laundry done. I said MAYBE on that one...

So, starting tomorrow because today is all but gone - limited Snickers, healthy meals, and exercise. It can be done, and as of right now I have the motivation to do it. Wish me luck! If I can figure out how to do it, I'm going to post a weight loss ticker on this thing. If anyone knows how, let me know please :)