Blah Blah Blah...

Blah blah blah...

I think that's all my kids hear when I talk. They have mastered the art of selective hearing already. Yesterday we cleaned house, and I had to get an attitude and start slamming things around to get anyone to help. That isn't the best way to do it, but it seems to be the only way I can get my point across these days to anyone in this household. But I have a semi-clean house now so I guess I got something accomplished.

What are the major things that a relationship needs to thrive? In my opinion there must be communication, respect for one another, and trust. It doesn't matter if the relationship is with your spouse, your child, your sibling or grandparent, or just a friend. If you don't have those three things, what is the point in having that relationship?

The lines of communication in my household can definitely stand to be improved. It seems that the only time anyone listens here is when there is screaming and yelling. That is enough to put anyone in a constant bad mood (not to mention make the manufacturers of headache medicine richer). Talking instead of yelling is definitely something the males in this household need to work on. No one likes to be yelled at, but they seem to think the only way to communicate is to do it as loud as you can.

Respect is another thing that needs to be worked on. In my house I don't think there is much respect at all between the males, and I don't think they respect me. People say respect must be earned, but how much do you have to do before you earn that respect? How far do you have to go before you are just being walked on and taken for granted? I know I'm taken for granted in my house, but like my last post explained, I'm the mom - it's my job.

However, recently I have come to the conclusion that someone I thought respected me really didn't. I don't know what I did or didn't do for that person to push me aside - to my knowledge I haven't done anything. And their spouse, who I thought I was very close to, isn't speaking to me much either. Coincidence? Who knows. I'm not going to worry about this any longer though. When that person or those people are ready to acknowledge my existence again they'll come around. Will I be there? Who knows. Probably. I'm a bit of a push over. I don't have any close friends, just a lot of acquaintances, so when I lose a friend that I can trust and consider close it affects me more than it should. Stupid and silly I know, but I've NEVER had many friends and that is just the way it has always been.

Trust is a big thing in any relationship. If there is no trust then what's the point? You are constantly second guessing the other person and their motives. There will be no open communication because you are constantly thinking that the person is going to run out and gossip about what you have told them, which will cause more and more drama in your life. Luckily (or unluckily) I have always been a person that people can trust to keep from gossiping. My theory on the whole thing is if that person that told me something wanted other people to know what they did or said then they would have told other people themselves. One friend I have has nicknamed me "the vault" because they can tell me anything and I won't tell a soul. Why do I need to? All it does is hurt feelings and cause problems between people.

So what am I getting at?

From my experience, if you don't have trust, respect, and communication in any relationship you will be unhappy. What do you do if you are married and you feel that you don't have those things? You look at the relationship and decide if there is something worth keeping. If it is then you change things. If you don't have the skills to change them yourself, you seek help in changing them - you go to counseling, you sit down and talk about things at home, and you make time for each other. If you decide there isn't anything there worth keeping or working on - you get out of it before you hurt not only yourself but others in the process.

If you need to change your friends to salvage the relationships that are worth keeping then do it. However, if you keep the friends that aren't true friends and get rid of the ones who are then you're doing nothing but setting yourself up for failure.

The decisions you make regarding your friends and family affect not only you, but the people around you. It affects your spouse, your children, and others depending on the decision you have to make. You may just hurt the feelings of those around you and the relationship will be repaired. On the other hand, you may damage a relationship beyond repair and you'll lose a good friend. It's also possible that the relationship will repair itself, but not to the degree it used to be - you become more like acquaintances than true, close friends.

Think about your relationships. Decide which ones are worth keeping and which ones aren't. Think about how you can repair the relationships that are worth repairing. Absolve the relationships that are harmful. It will be hard, but it will be worth it in the long run.

If life in the fast lane is too fast for you, move to the shoulder and apply the brakes for a while - you never know when you're going to crash.

Until next time...

Being a mom...

Being a mom has its rewards, but after being at home for a year and a half now I have come to the conclusion that this stay-at-home mom stuff is for the birds. Don't get me wrong - I love my children to death. I just wasn't meant to be a stay-at-home mom. I am a career mom. I need a job to make me whole.There is something missing in my life, and it's the daily grind OUTSIDE OF THE HOME! All this staying at home has done is make me stir-crazy and ready to kill. I need to be around people that care about more than Wow-Wow-Wubbzy and whether they get to play the Wii or not. And it needs to happen FAST! I'm ready to go work at McDonald's with all the idiots, and with only 3 weeks of unemployment left that might just happen if someone isn't interested in me soon. Keep your fingers crossed that I get a job soon.

Anyway...

Why am I leading with this? Well, because I have come to the conclusion that the world would not turn without a mom to keep things going. I was a single mom for awhile, and I found it easier to be a single mom than a married mom at that time. I think sometimes, especially being a stay-at-home mom not by choice, that it would be easier to be a single mom again - even with one more kid than I had then.

The question that always bugs me is why is it when you have a child the only life that seems to dramatically change is the mother's life? Even before the baby is born the mom has to give things up. If you smoke you're told to quit. If you like to have a drink every once in a while you can't. You have to eat healthier. If you have gestational diabetes you have to give up almost everything you love to eat and, in some cases, poke yourself with a needle several times a day. You waddle, your belly is stretched beyond recognition, things hurt that never have before, and your whole wardrobe is put away for at least 9 months, if not for the rest of your life depending on how much weight you gain or lose. I was fortunate enough to lose weight with each pregnancy (30+ lbs each one from my pre-pregnancy weight), but in return I had to watch and weigh everything I put in my mouth and with the last 2 kids had to inject myself with insulin 7 times a day, sometimes 8.

Then, when our bellies cannot take anymore stretching and we would like to actually be able to eat more than 3 bites before having to wait 30-45 minutes before we can eat anything else because there is no more room to put any food in our stomach because everything is crammed into our rib cage and we pee every 5 minutes because the baby decides they need to stretch, we get to go through hours of pain and agony to deliver the child into this world. Then, if it's a "normal" delivery, we walk around like we sat on a hot coal... if it's a c-section, we're gutted like a fish, our insides taken out, put back in, walk like a hunchback because it hurts to stand, and can't lift anything over 10 lbs for 2 weeks. Seriously? The kid in the car seat weighs more than 10 lbs and they want us to watch it? Get real.If you can show me a mom that actually does that then I've got some ocean front property in Arizona I can get you a good price on.

Anyway, the baby gets here and everyone wants to see it... the mom no longer exists. If you are out somewhere without the baby people ask "why didn't you bring the baby?" People who have never been to your house before will show up just to see the baby. Every once in a while you get a "how are you doing?" or "you look tired!" No shit? I have been up for the last (fill in the blank with an outrageous number) hours straight changing diapers and wiping puke off myself while trying to keep up with the other household chores. And if you already have children at home you have to find a way to entertain them too and make them feel included. And God help you if you are moody at any time during or after the pregnancy - everyone takes it to heart. They just can't accept that your hormones are all over the place because you just squeezed a new life into this world out of a hole that is much smaller than the actual child and are not only feeling sore but also a bit overwhelmed.

Meanwhile, the dad continues life as normal with a small inconvenience here and there. They still get to play sports, they don't have to take time off work, they still hang out with their friends. They get to show the kid off every once in a while and get "boy - you sure did a good job makin' a cute baby!" They get to eat what they want, still get to wear their normal clothing, they don't have to worry about finding a babysitter to do things outside of the house, and the only pain they go through is when the mother inflicts it upon them because they are being an asshole or need to relieve some stress.

Now, I'm not saying children are an inconvenience - they are a blessing. I love my children with all my heart and would not trade any of them for the world (although every once in a while I would trade them for a diet pepsi and a snickers bar). When they have their firsts - their first smile, first laugh, first time they roll over, crawl, pull themselves up, walk, first word, first time they ride a bike, play sports, first crush, first sleepover (hopefully not with their crush), etc - it is so worth it. And when they say "I love you mom" for no reason at all, just out of the blue, it's the best feeling in the world. It's like someone just sprinkled pixie dust on you and pushed you into a rainbow and the colors are all around you and you can't help but smile and giggle.

But most days aren't like that. Most days moms are just taken for granted. They are expected to feed everyone, make sure everyone has clean clothes, a clean house, make sure the bills are paid, and just plain ole worry about the kids well-being in general. Moms are the comforter when the kid is sick or hurt, they are the provider when the kids need anything, and they are the go-to for just about anything and everything the child could possibly want. We are their first strike, and if it doesn't get past mom then they go to dad and it's "go ask your mom".

And what do we get in return from everyone? My favorite shirt isn't clean, I can't find my socks, Ewwww - gross! I'm not eating that! and have you seen my (fill in the blank)? I left it right here on the couch so I could find it but someone has moved it.

Hmmmm... wonder if it ever occurred to the family members in the house that a thank you or I appreciate you goes a long way. Even a few hours OUT of the house alone or with a girlfriend or two once every couple weeks would work, preferably without the dad getting all in a huff and losing control of the household while the mom is gone or getting ready to go.

When you work outside of the home you get paid money for what you do. When you work AT HOME as a homemaker it seems all you get is yelled at for one thing or another, and you know if you had a "real job" that treated you like you get treated at home you would quit in a heartbeat and tell your boss to stuff it (and maybe a customer or two off also). At home you're just expected to take it - no matter what. And if you don't then you're moody, pissy, in a bad mood, a bad mom, or you just don't care and need to change your attitude.

What am I getting at with this long long post?

Well, to make a long story short (too late, I know), is if you're a mom and you're feeling the same thing I am, you're not alone. I totally know where you're coming from. And if you need to vent then do it! I'm here if you can't find anyone. If you need time away from your children I'm more than willing to go somewhere with you and escape mine!

And if you're a dad - HELP OUT if you don't. Say thank you for things. Let your wife know you appreciate her and everything she does for everyone in the household and friends and extended family she does stuff for. We understand you work to pay the bills, please understand that we work too - even though we don't get paid money and don't leave the house to do it. And please understand that our job doesn't ever end! The next time we are bitchy, please keep this in mind, and don't get an attitude. Offer to rub our back or our feet - that would mean more to us than you could ever imagine.

Okay - I'm done with my rant. Sorry it's so long. I know I said this one would be about relationships, and this leads into it in a way.

Until next time...