It's been a long week, and going to get longer before it's over...

Wow - a long week for sure, and it's only Thursday!

One week ago today Rowdy got kicked out of school for being disruptive and vandalizing the boys bathroom, then disobeying the principal. I knew it was coming, I just didn't know when. That morning, however, after I dropped Levi and Rowdy off at school and Rowdy was in a bad mood I went home and said to Paul "I have a feeling we're going to get a call from the school today about Rowdy". Sure enough, around 2:30 my phone rang and it was Principal Dau saying that they had exhausted all of their resources with him and I needed to come get him because he was suspended indefinitely. Since there was only a short time before school was out, the principal just had him sit in the office until the end of the day. When Paul went to pick him up the principal handed him a letter explaining what had happened and said we would set up a meeting after he got help to get him back into school.

And so the ongoing search for help became more frantic, and we made an appointment with our physician to see if he had any suggestions for medication and where we could get help for Rowdy.

So Monday morning at the doctor's office the search began again - but by the Dr. this time. He got a little further than we had because he got to Primary Children's Hospital and actually spoke to someone there. The guy from PCH called me back around 2pm and I explained the situation. He said that PCH wasn't in our insurance network (surprise surprise - here we go again!) and that they didn't feel they could help him if they were. They thought he needed something more involved, something more intense. He said he would make a few phone calls and get back to me.

Around half hour later, he called back and said he had spoken with someone at the University of Utah neuropsychiatric hospital, and their inpatient program was willing to speak to us. So I called them and spoke to them. I hated to think about an inpatient program for a 7 year old, but I didn't think it would hurt to speak with them. So I called them and the next thing I know we are at the U of U and he is being evaluated. We had a 4:30 appointment, and between the evaluation with a social worker, getting authorization from insurance for the program, speaking to the Dr. there and seeing if he thought it would benefit Rowdy and if he qualified for it, getting him upstairs into the pediatric unit, all the paperwork and interviews done, and getting him settled, we finally left him at 9:30 and headed home. It wasn't as hard as I thought it would be to leave him, and Rowdy had a HUGE smile on his face when we left. I had explained to him on the ride down to SLC that he was going to have some sleepovers at the doctor's and that they were going to try to figure out what was going on in his head. He took it pretty well, and he LOVED the food they served him for dinner (which I think helped - we all know how Rowdy is with food).

Surprisingly, I was okay with putting Rowdy in this program... Levi was okay with it. Sam was okay with it. Rowdy was okay with it. Paul, on the other hand, was not okay with it. He knew it had to be done, but because of his experience with a young family member of his years ago, he had a hard time with it. He couldn't talk to Rowdy on the way down because he was crying almost the whole trip. He cried a few times while we were at the hospital. I finally told him he needed to get it together so Rowdy didn't think it was a bad thing because it is a positive thing. He doesn't want to hurt other kids, he doesn't want to act the way he does, but he doesn't know how to control it. With this program, we are on our way to an accurate diagnosis for Mr. Franklin Rowdy Davis, the right meds, and the skills to help control his impulses for the rest of his life.

So this week has been nothing but therapy appointments, visiting with the kid, and shuffling Sam around between relatives and sometimes Levi too so that my sister doesn't feel the burden of having two of my kids while I deal with everything for the third. I am very grateful for my family and the help they have given me, as well as some of Paul's family, during this time. Without their support it would be much harder.


I also think it would have been much harder had I not been in a similar situation when I was 14. Even though it was hard for my parents, they made decisions that I was not happy about, but am grateful for because I still use the skills I learned 18 years ago during a hospitalization due to severe depression and self mutilation to fight depression even today. And I don't think I cried when taking Rowdy to the hospital on Monday because I know it's not that bad... it's hard, but it's not like you see in the movies. Plus, I cried over the problems enough in the last year and a half. I was here dealing with it pretty much by myself while Paul worked or slept. Something had to be done - and this was for the best all around. Not only does this help Rowdy - but it also saves me from going insane! I know, I know, most of you are thinking, "Wow... I thought she had totally gone insane last year... she has some sanity left?" Yes, as a matter of fact I do. Not much, but a little, and I'd rather not lose the rest of it or I'm going to end up in the adult unit at the U of U.

I called Tommy, my ex-husband and Rowdy's dad, when I was going to admit him and he said to let him know what was going on. After he was admitted I let him know what was going on. I talked to him again this evening (first I'd heard from him since Monday) and told him what was going on, and he seemed indifferent about it. Kind of like he was concerned because he had to be. He asked a few questions and I answered them, and gave him the phone number and the visiting information in case he wanted to call him and/or go up and visit him, but I can't guarantee he will because he asked if Rowdy could turn down talking to him or visiting with him if he goes up there and I told him that Rowdy could say he didn't want to talk or visit with him. It is his right if he wants to pass on the phone call or visit. If it is going to agitate him or piss him off then the nurses and doctors on the ward don't want it to happen. Rowdy is so unpredictable that I can't say yes it will piss him off or no he will be happy to visit with his dad. However, Rowdy and Levi both have a lot of issues to work out with their dad and they need to be taken care of. We need to get to the root of why they dislike him and why they call their real dad "Tommy" and call Pauley "dad". I have an idea, but it's only speculation... until it is discussed and the reason comes out of their mouths we will never know why this happened or why they think this way. I can, however, say it warms my heart that Paul has accepted them as his own and the boys have accepted Paul as their father - they know who is there for them and has been there for them before they could even talk and that he isn't going anywhere.

They are not really looking at Bipolar Disorder for Rowdy right now. His moods seem to be stable. Instead, they are looking more at Autism Spectrum Disorders. The reason for this is because he is at around 50% of where the rest of his class is as far as learning and school is concerned, even though he has an IEP and he is in resource class for part of the day to try to catch him up to them. They asked about my pregnancy with him, and anyone who knew me at that time knows that my pregnancy with him was a nightmare - during the pregnancy during the delivery, and after he was born. I still have problems with my back and belly to this day because of the labor, the c-section, and the STAPH infection after the delivery, so Lord knows it was hard on him too - the whole not breathing after he was born, not being able to stabilize his body temperature, the nurses not being able to regulate his blood sugar, and being 10 lbs and 22 inches long didn't help anything either. They started asking about his development, and when I got to thinking about it he did everything later than Levi or Sam did. He didn't crawl until he was 8 months old, he didn't walk until he was 13-14 months old, and really talking, even one word here and there, didn't happen until he was around 21 months old. Of course mama was there, and he could say "gam" (Gram) and "gapa" (Grandpa), but not much else was there. His vocabulary consisted of around 6-7 words. Top that with him just walking around the perimeter of the yard instead of playing with the other kids in the yard and the neighborhood that wanted him to come play, and you can definitely see a problem there.

The problem is that at the time it was just explained as him being a bigger kid. When addressing concerns at well baby preventative check-ups, since he was a really happy kid, it was explained that he was a bigger kid so it would take him longer to get up to speed physically. There was no reason to test him for problems. Monday I realized that I blamed myself for his problems - there had to be something I did wrong while I was pregnant with him that caused this. I was crying at the Dr. office and it just spilled out of my mouth and our Dr. looked at me and said, "There is no reason to think that way - you did everything that you were told to do. The problem is that there are problems on both sides of his family genetically, and he got more of one side than the other. Levi got the other side." And no, I'm not going to say which side of the boys' family each one takes after - I like to think I have a good relationship with the boys' aunt and uncle (Tommy's half-siblings) and want to keep it that way. What I said was not meant to offend anyone and I want to continue to have a good relationship with them for the sake of my children because I think they are GREAT influences on them.

But anyway, I guess I better get to sleep. I have to be in SLC at 10 AM for another therapy appointment with Rowdy in the morning after dropping Levi off at school, Sam off at Paul's sister's house, and fighting the idiots on the freeway. I have lived in Utah for 13 1/2 years now and I'm still wondering how the population keeps increasing because the people out here can't drive for SHIT!

And on that note, I'm outta here. Until next time...