Blah Blah Blah...

Blah blah blah...

I think that's all my kids hear when I talk. They have mastered the art of selective hearing already. Yesterday we cleaned house, and I had to get an attitude and start slamming things around to get anyone to help. That isn't the best way to do it, but it seems to be the only way I can get my point across these days to anyone in this household. But I have a semi-clean house now so I guess I got something accomplished.

What are the major things that a relationship needs to thrive? In my opinion there must be communication, respect for one another, and trust. It doesn't matter if the relationship is with your spouse, your child, your sibling or grandparent, or just a friend. If you don't have those three things, what is the point in having that relationship?

The lines of communication in my household can definitely stand to be improved. It seems that the only time anyone listens here is when there is screaming and yelling. That is enough to put anyone in a constant bad mood (not to mention make the manufacturers of headache medicine richer). Talking instead of yelling is definitely something the males in this household need to work on. No one likes to be yelled at, but they seem to think the only way to communicate is to do it as loud as you can.

Respect is another thing that needs to be worked on. In my house I don't think there is much respect at all between the males, and I don't think they respect me. People say respect must be earned, but how much do you have to do before you earn that respect? How far do you have to go before you are just being walked on and taken for granted? I know I'm taken for granted in my house, but like my last post explained, I'm the mom - it's my job.

However, recently I have come to the conclusion that someone I thought respected me really didn't. I don't know what I did or didn't do for that person to push me aside - to my knowledge I haven't done anything. And their spouse, who I thought I was very close to, isn't speaking to me much either. Coincidence? Who knows. I'm not going to worry about this any longer though. When that person or those people are ready to acknowledge my existence again they'll come around. Will I be there? Who knows. Probably. I'm a bit of a push over. I don't have any close friends, just a lot of acquaintances, so when I lose a friend that I can trust and consider close it affects me more than it should. Stupid and silly I know, but I've NEVER had many friends and that is just the way it has always been.

Trust is a big thing in any relationship. If there is no trust then what's the point? You are constantly second guessing the other person and their motives. There will be no open communication because you are constantly thinking that the person is going to run out and gossip about what you have told them, which will cause more and more drama in your life. Luckily (or unluckily) I have always been a person that people can trust to keep from gossiping. My theory on the whole thing is if that person that told me something wanted other people to know what they did or said then they would have told other people themselves. One friend I have has nicknamed me "the vault" because they can tell me anything and I won't tell a soul. Why do I need to? All it does is hurt feelings and cause problems between people.

So what am I getting at?

From my experience, if you don't have trust, respect, and communication in any relationship you will be unhappy. What do you do if you are married and you feel that you don't have those things? You look at the relationship and decide if there is something worth keeping. If it is then you change things. If you don't have the skills to change them yourself, you seek help in changing them - you go to counseling, you sit down and talk about things at home, and you make time for each other. If you decide there isn't anything there worth keeping or working on - you get out of it before you hurt not only yourself but others in the process.

If you need to change your friends to salvage the relationships that are worth keeping then do it. However, if you keep the friends that aren't true friends and get rid of the ones who are then you're doing nothing but setting yourself up for failure.

The decisions you make regarding your friends and family affect not only you, but the people around you. It affects your spouse, your children, and others depending on the decision you have to make. You may just hurt the feelings of those around you and the relationship will be repaired. On the other hand, you may damage a relationship beyond repair and you'll lose a good friend. It's also possible that the relationship will repair itself, but not to the degree it used to be - you become more like acquaintances than true, close friends.

Think about your relationships. Decide which ones are worth keeping and which ones aren't. Think about how you can repair the relationships that are worth repairing. Absolve the relationships that are harmful. It will be hard, but it will be worth it in the long run.

If life in the fast lane is too fast for you, move to the shoulder and apply the brakes for a while - you never know when you're going to crash.

Until next time...