Being a mom...

Being a mom has its rewards, but after being at home for a year and a half now I have come to the conclusion that this stay-at-home mom stuff is for the birds. Don't get me wrong - I love my children to death. I just wasn't meant to be a stay-at-home mom. I am a career mom. I need a job to make me whole.There is something missing in my life, and it's the daily grind OUTSIDE OF THE HOME! All this staying at home has done is make me stir-crazy and ready to kill. I need to be around people that care about more than Wow-Wow-Wubbzy and whether they get to play the Wii or not. And it needs to happen FAST! I'm ready to go work at McDonald's with all the idiots, and with only 3 weeks of unemployment left that might just happen if someone isn't interested in me soon. Keep your fingers crossed that I get a job soon.

Anyway...

Why am I leading with this? Well, because I have come to the conclusion that the world would not turn without a mom to keep things going. I was a single mom for awhile, and I found it easier to be a single mom than a married mom at that time. I think sometimes, especially being a stay-at-home mom not by choice, that it would be easier to be a single mom again - even with one more kid than I had then.

The question that always bugs me is why is it when you have a child the only life that seems to dramatically change is the mother's life? Even before the baby is born the mom has to give things up. If you smoke you're told to quit. If you like to have a drink every once in a while you can't. You have to eat healthier. If you have gestational diabetes you have to give up almost everything you love to eat and, in some cases, poke yourself with a needle several times a day. You waddle, your belly is stretched beyond recognition, things hurt that never have before, and your whole wardrobe is put away for at least 9 months, if not for the rest of your life depending on how much weight you gain or lose. I was fortunate enough to lose weight with each pregnancy (30+ lbs each one from my pre-pregnancy weight), but in return I had to watch and weigh everything I put in my mouth and with the last 2 kids had to inject myself with insulin 7 times a day, sometimes 8.

Then, when our bellies cannot take anymore stretching and we would like to actually be able to eat more than 3 bites before having to wait 30-45 minutes before we can eat anything else because there is no more room to put any food in our stomach because everything is crammed into our rib cage and we pee every 5 minutes because the baby decides they need to stretch, we get to go through hours of pain and agony to deliver the child into this world. Then, if it's a "normal" delivery, we walk around like we sat on a hot coal... if it's a c-section, we're gutted like a fish, our insides taken out, put back in, walk like a hunchback because it hurts to stand, and can't lift anything over 10 lbs for 2 weeks. Seriously? The kid in the car seat weighs more than 10 lbs and they want us to watch it? Get real.If you can show me a mom that actually does that then I've got some ocean front property in Arizona I can get you a good price on.

Anyway, the baby gets here and everyone wants to see it... the mom no longer exists. If you are out somewhere without the baby people ask "why didn't you bring the baby?" People who have never been to your house before will show up just to see the baby. Every once in a while you get a "how are you doing?" or "you look tired!" No shit? I have been up for the last (fill in the blank with an outrageous number) hours straight changing diapers and wiping puke off myself while trying to keep up with the other household chores. And if you already have children at home you have to find a way to entertain them too and make them feel included. And God help you if you are moody at any time during or after the pregnancy - everyone takes it to heart. They just can't accept that your hormones are all over the place because you just squeezed a new life into this world out of a hole that is much smaller than the actual child and are not only feeling sore but also a bit overwhelmed.

Meanwhile, the dad continues life as normal with a small inconvenience here and there. They still get to play sports, they don't have to take time off work, they still hang out with their friends. They get to show the kid off every once in a while and get "boy - you sure did a good job makin' a cute baby!" They get to eat what they want, still get to wear their normal clothing, they don't have to worry about finding a babysitter to do things outside of the house, and the only pain they go through is when the mother inflicts it upon them because they are being an asshole or need to relieve some stress.

Now, I'm not saying children are an inconvenience - they are a blessing. I love my children with all my heart and would not trade any of them for the world (although every once in a while I would trade them for a diet pepsi and a snickers bar). When they have their firsts - their first smile, first laugh, first time they roll over, crawl, pull themselves up, walk, first word, first time they ride a bike, play sports, first crush, first sleepover (hopefully not with their crush), etc - it is so worth it. And when they say "I love you mom" for no reason at all, just out of the blue, it's the best feeling in the world. It's like someone just sprinkled pixie dust on you and pushed you into a rainbow and the colors are all around you and you can't help but smile and giggle.

But most days aren't like that. Most days moms are just taken for granted. They are expected to feed everyone, make sure everyone has clean clothes, a clean house, make sure the bills are paid, and just plain ole worry about the kids well-being in general. Moms are the comforter when the kid is sick or hurt, they are the provider when the kids need anything, and they are the go-to for just about anything and everything the child could possibly want. We are their first strike, and if it doesn't get past mom then they go to dad and it's "go ask your mom".

And what do we get in return from everyone? My favorite shirt isn't clean, I can't find my socks, Ewwww - gross! I'm not eating that! and have you seen my (fill in the blank)? I left it right here on the couch so I could find it but someone has moved it.

Hmmmm... wonder if it ever occurred to the family members in the house that a thank you or I appreciate you goes a long way. Even a few hours OUT of the house alone or with a girlfriend or two once every couple weeks would work, preferably without the dad getting all in a huff and losing control of the household while the mom is gone or getting ready to go.

When you work outside of the home you get paid money for what you do. When you work AT HOME as a homemaker it seems all you get is yelled at for one thing or another, and you know if you had a "real job" that treated you like you get treated at home you would quit in a heartbeat and tell your boss to stuff it (and maybe a customer or two off also). At home you're just expected to take it - no matter what. And if you don't then you're moody, pissy, in a bad mood, a bad mom, or you just don't care and need to change your attitude.

What am I getting at with this long long post?

Well, to make a long story short (too late, I know), is if you're a mom and you're feeling the same thing I am, you're not alone. I totally know where you're coming from. And if you need to vent then do it! I'm here if you can't find anyone. If you need time away from your children I'm more than willing to go somewhere with you and escape mine!

And if you're a dad - HELP OUT if you don't. Say thank you for things. Let your wife know you appreciate her and everything she does for everyone in the household and friends and extended family she does stuff for. We understand you work to pay the bills, please understand that we work too - even though we don't get paid money and don't leave the house to do it. And please understand that our job doesn't ever end! The next time we are bitchy, please keep this in mind, and don't get an attitude. Offer to rub our back or our feet - that would mean more to us than you could ever imagine.

Okay - I'm done with my rant. Sorry it's so long. I know I said this one would be about relationships, and this leads into it in a way.

Until next time...